This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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