Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
