I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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