thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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