She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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