he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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