I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i think my cat just said my name.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
