worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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