Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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