Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
