ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
