I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who died my cat blue again?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
