Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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