My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
