Define "chronic" masturbator.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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