It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You took a bar mat shot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
