I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I believe in your delicious
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
