the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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