a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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