white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
