There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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