I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
