how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
