I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
