I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
