My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
