there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
