everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.