i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US