Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.

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(716): View more from New York

And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

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(510): View more from California

answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.

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19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Read it at the TFLN blog
(804): View more from Virginia

Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

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(734): View more from Michigan

Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on

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(316): View more from Kansas

I was tackling you out of excitement

(918): View more from Oklahoma

Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.

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(727): View more from Florida

I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus

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(475): View more from Connecticut

THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.

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