Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.