just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
