Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.