There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i drank out of a bidet.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.