whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.