Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
