went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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