Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
