great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
