Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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