I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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