i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
