Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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