sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
