my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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