I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
