i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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