3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
