I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
