two words: eviction party
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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