lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
