Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
