By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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