I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
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These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.