i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?