She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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