Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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