Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
