i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
