need another drink. this is the easiest way
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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