That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this just has baby written all over it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
