I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We just shotgunned beers for America
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
