He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
