She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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