it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
