Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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