God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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