Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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