Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
