i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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