Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
